You will know when you grow up ...

All my life, people have said to me that I will know when I have grown up, because I will realize that I know nothing at all. I've never really appreciated the saying much, least of all now. The phrase has certainly never hit home this hard. I still hold true to my feelings when I first arrived in Brazil; it has been the biggest learning experience of my life. Every day I learn a new word, idea or practice, and I find joy in this. But I have also never been placed in a more humbling situation.

I am still learning the language; I am still learning about the culture, and while I find myself fitting in more and more, I am also more aware of my cultural differences and the difficulties that are involved in bridging cultural and lingual gaps. In three months I have learned the basics of how to communicate. I can hold out on my own, buy food, go shopping and hold short conversations. And while this is a definite accomplishment for the short time that I have been here, I am still not able to give direction in the church theater group I am a part of, or share a devotional without the help of a translator. I am primarily limited to observing the ministries I am involved with.

I am daily blessed by the kindness of my host family and church. Their guidance, love and generous hearts have made this semester the most influential one of my college career. But I feel ashamed for not giving back to them in the way that they have given to me. I have found myself rationalizing my inexperience and language barriers instead of completely stepping up to the opportunities given to me and offering them over to God. I do not know what God can do with someone who is faced with these cultural challenges, but I am ashamed for not giving him a better chance.

I realize that my education has been here to remind me that I am capable of nothing without God, not to make me self-sufficient. I came to Brazil hoping to depend upon what I had learned through my classes and church experience, but realize that I can do nothing without God's power. He is the only one who can step past these barriers. And with his help and blessing, I pray that he will lead me and use me throughout these next two weeks.

I covet your prayers, and am anxiously looking forward to being with my friends and family again. Your support has given me a steady supply of hope and peace. I love you all.

-Jamie Noel Schmelzenbach